When All Else Fails
by TheNewIdea
Summary: In which Darkwing Duck leads a group of vigilantes as they attempt to stop the Federation, a group of assorted Disney villains, from taking over the world. Suggestions are welcome and appreciated. Rated T for action sequences, drama, jaywalking, existential crises, destruction of property, llamas, vigilantism, language, cats, mafia violence, sexual references, and unicorns.
1. A Fox Hunt

Chapter One: A Fox Hunt

Sitting on top of the bridge that ran over the large river that was required of all major cities to possess, Darkwing Duck looked out over the city of St. Canard as the evening hours turned into night, watching and waiting for signs of misdeed. It had been a slow day for Darkwing, mostly because Drake Mallard kept getting in the way, having gone to a hockey match for Gosalyn, a baptism for Launchpad, and four hours at a desk job he despised. It was a wonder that Darkwing even considered fighting crime that day; but he felt that he had an obligation to the city to be the one everyone went to when they needed something, and so he sat on the top of the bridge, watching the skyline and the last rays of the setting sun.

"You know this would be peaceful" Darkwing said to himself, "If the night wasn't looming with danger. It's funny how everything seems so quiet just before things get hairy. The calm before the storm."

It was then that a pigeon roosted on top of Darkwing's hat, so still was he that he was almost statue-like. Strangely, Darkwing did not mind, in fact he actually enjoyed the company, if only to have someone to talk to so that he wasn't talking to himself the entire time as he waited for something to happen.

"How long does it take for a crime to happen?" Darkwing continued, "Statistically speaking a crime happens every minute and a half. If that's true that there should never be a shortage of work. The police can only do so much, so that leaves me, Darkwing Duck, to pick up the pieces."

It wasn't long until Darkwing, bored from doing nothing, decided to patrol the streets. Driving his motorcycle down the bridge and unto the street, Darkwing thought about what he was missing at home- if Gosalyn would ever come to resent him, if Drake Mallard would ever live to surpass him, and if he would ever what most people have. Darkwing hoped against hope that Gosalyn would always see him as a father first and a crime fighter second, he hoped that eventually, when Darkwing was no longer needed, that Drake would take over, surpassing him and becoming more important that he himself ever could be; and perhaps, when Darkwing had run his course, once again becoming Mallard, that he would have what others had.

Darkwing, his mind clouded and troubled, his mind constantly returning to Gosalyn and thoughts of home, pulled over to the curb and proceeded to turn around unable to bring himself to do any work.

"St. Canard will just have to take care of itself tonight" Darkwing continued, speaking mostly to himself, "I've got places to be."

In a fashion that is so predictable is it almost sad, no sooner did Darkwing manage turn himself around did he hear a cry for help a few blocks away. Rolling his eyes and shaking his head, Darkwing, if only to satisfy his own egotism while it still existed, turned his bike around for the second time, heading towards the sound.

Seven blocks down a robbery was in progress, the perpetrator, a common thug, was casually waving a gun in the face of a woman and her son, a pillow sack in his hand.

"Come on" the thug exclaimed, "Hand it over and we can forget this ever happened."

At this moment four things happened simultaneously: the woman and child screamed; an arrow whizzed through the air, hitting the thug's hand and bringing him down to the ground; the shooter appeared; and Darkwing Duck's motorcycle revved up, closing in.

The shooter, who remained in the shadows in an effort to conceal its identity, notched an arrow, pointing it directly at the thug's head, who trembled in fear at the prospect of dying.

"Please, don't kill me" the thug pleaded, "I'm too young to die."

The shooter loosened up, appearing to let down its guard.

"I wouldn't waste the ammo" the figure replied, in a male voice, turning around and aiming down the street; the arrow hitting the direct center of the road, which Darkwing's motorcycle ran directly into, comically flipping over, resulting in the mallard to somersault through the air as if he were in a circus only to land on his face.

Darkwing, shaken but not deterred, stood and faced the bleeding criminal with all the seriousness he could muster at the moment, trying to maintain the scene that had been playing inside his head. He turned towards the thug and began his usual routine as if nothing had happened.

"I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the batteries that are not included!"

The shooter meanwhile, had other immediate concerns, his attention dedicated to the woman and child. Holstering his bow, the shooter made a slow and careful bow, taking off the hat that he had been wearing.

"My good lady" the figure replied, a slight British accent showing, "I hope I didn't startle you and your son."

The woman, surprised by the shooter's elegance, shook her head in disagreement and pulled her son close.

"Not at all" the woman continued, "Thank you kind sir. God bless you."

The figure straightened himself and returned his hat to his head. He casually glanced over at Darkwing, who was busy standing over the thug, attempting to tie him up with his grappling hook rope.

"You might want to clear out of here" the figure exclaimed, motioning in the opposite direction, "Do you require an escort?"

The woman shook her head and smiled sheepishly. Without another word, she took her son by the hand and made her way down the street. The figure looked after her, bothering himself to watch until she had rounded the corner and disappeared out of sight, he then turned back to Darkwing and the now roped criminal.

"Do you always make everything into an entrance?" the figure asked, not really sure how to begin, "Save the theatrics for the children if you must but when it comes to taking down criminals, it's your job to be professional."

Darkwing raised his eyebrows at this and folded his arms, insulted beyond comprehension. Last he checked, no one told him how to do his job, especially mysterious shadows with bows and arrows.

"And who exactly do you think you are telling me how to do my job?" Darkwing exclaimed, "You're hiding in the shadows and shooting arrows into people, what does that say about you?"

The figure laughed and waved him off, for he had obviously heard of better comebacks.

"It means I'm efficient" he answered in turn, "And that I do what I must to protect the people of this once good and proud city. What about you? What are you really doing Darkwing? Are you really helping these people, shouting your name into the sky, or are you making yourself an easy target?"

The figure then turned and jumped onto the roof of the nearest car. Notching a roped arrow and firing it onto the roof of the nearest building, he quickly propelled himself up the side. Darkwing, curiosity and slight rage getting the better of him, followed suit, cutting the middle man out of the equation and simply using his grappling gun to reach the rooftop leaving the criminal for the local police to tend to.

By the time Darkwing reached the roof, the rising moon had made its way through the clouds, providing sufficient light for visibility. In addition, without the protection of the shadows that the buildings provided, Darkwing could easily identify the mysterious figure, or at least, put a face to the shape. The figure was a fox of medium build in an all green leather bound suit with a hat, not unlike his own but subtler, donning a red feather. The bow was made out of stern wood, and the quiver that rested on the fox's back, of hide. The gloves, interestingly, were made out of steel with a leather outer skin, presumably for fashion, the tips of each finger sporting metal claw extensions in the event of melee combat. It was obvious to Darkwing that whoever this fox happened to be had taken his vigilantism to the extreme.

"Who are you?" Darkwing asked bluntly.

The fox, who was also masked, sighed and gently removed it, seeing no point in making any effort to hide from Darkwing, as if he were giving up before he even fought.

"I am known by many names" the fox replied, "All of them horrible, all of them media creations- the Green Avenger, the Masked Archer, the Shadow, Fox, Michael Surly, and Johnathan Brisby-"

The fox paused for a moment, as if weighing his options, for no other reason he put his mask back on his face and continued, if only for dramatic effect.

"But since you asked and seem so eager; my name is Robin Hood."

Darkwing noticed that Robin said his name as if it was supposed to carry some significance, it did not. Instead it only added to the mystery, specifically, why he was in St. Canard at all and not someplace where he could be useful, for his skill seemed undeniable. The mallard paced and pondered for a few moments, trying to think of the proper thing to say or do. Robin Hood, seeing this, could only smile and laugh to himself, amused that Darkwing would take the time to think about such matters.

"Try starting with your name Darkwing" Robin advised.

Darkwing stopped, he failed to see the point in this, especially since Robin already knew it, but for the sake of simplicity and not knowing what else to do, Darkwing complied, straightening himself out and shaking Robin's hand.

"Darkwing Duck" he said with a slight tip of the hat, trying to earn hospitality points, "What brings you to St. Canard? This is my turf."

Robin turned away, his gaze towards the city-scape, his stance ominous and bleak, almost as if he commanded the clouds to block the moon, which conveniently, disappeared behind the overcast.

"It's complicated" Robin answered, "Nothing to concern yourself with, it's a personal matter."

Darkwing, uncomfortable with the sudden seriousness, laughed and casually came up behind the fox, slapping him on the back, for if it was one thing that Darkwing hated more than anything it was unnecessary brooding.

"Come on it's not that bad" Darkwing exclaimed, trying to be encouraging, "Things could be worse."

Robin scoffed, for not only had Darkwing interrupted a perfectly good brooding session but he had spoken entirely out of context. Had the mallard known that Robin was on a revenge quest, the best and most cliché type of quest for vigilantes, perhaps he would not have said anything; but Darkwing did not know this and so, said it in a futile attempt to be encouraging.

"You know nothing" Robin declared, "Things could always get worse. That is why every moment counts; why precision and efficiency are necessities, not luxuries, every second you waste talking is another that a victim continues to be terrorized."

Darkwing shook his head and rolled his eyes, now believing that Robin was being over-dramatic for the sake of being over-dramatic, which was saying something considerable taking himself into account.

"You're stretching this a bit don't you think?" Darkwing continued, "Not everything is gloom and doom you know."

Robin sighed and slowly walked away, already done with the conversation. Darkwing, showing concern, if nothing else continued curiosity, slowly followed, readying his grappling hook in the event he would have to take up pursuit.

"You can do what you want Darkwing" Robin said as he pulled out his bow, notching an arrow, "You are not motivated by pain, and so cannot understand."

Darkwing nodded, for could not deny that Robin's words were true, he did not understand nor was he motivated by pain. Thinking to himself that he would do everything in his power to uncover the truth about this mysterious and self-pitying creature, Darkwing readied himself, already aiming at the next rooftop, just as Robin fired another rope arrow and traversed the gap, arriving a few seconds after Darkwing. It was then that Robin, seeing that Darkwing had invited himself into the long haul, quietly retrieved his rope arrow, for he only had a few of them to spare, and without warning, broke into a full sprint.

From rooftop to rooftop they ran, jumping and propelling themselves with their selected tools of trade, relying on skill, in terms of Robin Hood, and luck, in terms of Darkwing, to aid them in the effort. Darkwing, who had neglected to put considerable time in the physical activity department, despite being a vigilante, was breathing heavily to the point where he suspected he was on the verge of having a heart attack. Robin Hood, in contrast, was barely breaking a sweat, however he was considerably slower than Darkwing when scaling the higher buildings.

"Do you need some help Darkwing?" Robin asked as he looked down, in the process of climbing the next building, a skyscraper, "I can suggest a few exercise programs, or perhaps a dietitian is in order?"

Darkwing huffed sarcastically and shook his head, for it seemed that Robin was in a considerably better mood than he had been minutes before; physical activity serving as some kind of outlet.

"Ha ha" Darkwing replied, "How about you worry about yourself and I'll worry about me?"

Aiming at the roof of the skyscraper and realizing that he would come up short by several feet, Darkwing, in one of his better moments of spontaneity, leaped straight ahead, smashing the window as planned. Avoiding the small bits of broken glass and his awkwardly bent right arm due to a rough landing, Darkwing stood up as quickly as he could, running to the other side of the room and breaking the opposite window, using the grappling hook to save himself, catching onto the much shorter rooftop, avoiding the climb entirely.

"I think I win" Darkwing said to himself as he hoisted himself to safety just as Robin Hood reached the rooftop of the skyscraper.

"Hey Robin!" Darkwing continued, shouting in order to be heard, "Looks like I won! Why don't you come on down and I'll congratulate you for your efforts!"

Robin Hood ignored him, for he was too busy looking into the next building over, a large warehouse. Kneeling down, trying to determine the trajectory of the shot that would be required, Robin casually began whistling "God Save the Queen" to himself. Inspecting his bow, checking the tautness of the string and making any necessary repairs, Robin silently began to pray, thanking God for the opportunity that he was able to do some good in the event that he had failed, and should he succeed, that he would be allowed to continue his fight for justice and for good. Robin then kissed the arrow and notched it, letting it fly and ultimately coming short by a foot and a half, missing the intended target, a large window. Shrugging and deciding to run with it rather than waste another arrow, Robin backed up, testing the balancing point of the bow one more time and took a leap of faith, running off the edge.

Darkwing Duck, after thirty seconds of gloating, stood in amazement as he witnessed Robin Hood jump off the roof and slide down the rope to the warehouse. For a moment he was afraid that Robin was going to slam into the side of the building and become something he would have to scrape off the pavement. Closing his eyes, afraid to look, Darkwing was surprised to find that not only was Robin very much alive, but he had somehow managed to work his way up to the window and open it without breaking it.

Robin waved him over as he cut the rope, leaving the arrow lodged in the side of the building. Darkwing, easily grappling his way to the warehouse window, graciously accepted Robin's hand, briefly putting his faith in the fox, all notion of a possible rivalry having temporarily been put on pause.

"You know Robin" Darkwing said as he looked out onto the city and the way they had come, picking out glass from his arm, "You're right. I can't understand. I am not motivated by pain, I'm not like you. I fight because I know if I don't know no one else will. I am motivated by hope. I am motivated by love."

Robin shook his head and sighed, not because he found it hard to believe, but because he simply could not believe it.

"What is love without pain?" Robin retorted, "What is hope without despair? You must have both to understand Darkwing. Only through pain can you experience love, true love; and only in death can you appreciate what life has to offer. That is the great irony, and the great tragedy."

Robin spoke with the logic of a depressed and manic individual, possibly on the verge of suicidal behavior, as if he greeted death at every turn with a smile and an open hand, the only thing keeping him going the desire to see his revenge carried out. Turning into the warehouse, Robin quickly got onto the walkway and jumped onto the warehouse floor, readying his bow once again, his body becoming tense as if he expected something.

"This is the warehouse of the Federation" Robin declared, "I've been tracking them down for the past few months with no success. I was on my way here when I ran into you and that burglar."

Darkwing shrugged, for he failed to see what any of this had to do with St. Canard, for he had not heard of anything called the Federation until now.

"What's the Federation?" Darkwing asked as he landed on the warehouse floor, "Some kind of splinter group of villains?"

Robin shook his head in disagreement, Darkwing having missed the mark entirely. Slowly scanning the room, looking for anything out of the ordinary, Robin did his best to answer the question.

"The Federation is an underground organization, only recently coming to the surface. Its members range from all walks of life with two wizards spearing the head. Dastardly fiends; one of them, Maleficent, claiming to have control of the night itself. The other, Jafar, enslaves candidates, willing or no, to the cause, it's how they recruit. Their subterfuge and cunning has kept them hidden until now, it was only through patience and constant vigilance that I was able to learn of their existence."

While listening to Robin's exposition Darkwing also contributed to the search, looking among the boxes and crates. He found nothing of particular use or mention, at most it was screws and hardware appliances, but he also found among them several snow globes, a few textbooks, and a Christmas tree.

"Are you sure this is the right place Robin?" Darkwing asked, uncertain, "There's nothing here!"

Robin shook his head again, he had spent too much time researching and planning to think otherwise; he knew that he was right, that this warehouse was a trading hub, his experience told him that it couldn't be anything else.

"We're looking for something inconspicuous" Robin returned, "Something that you wouldn't think about. Something obvious to reveal a secret, a lever or a switch."

On the far wall was a light switch. Walking over, figuring that little would come of it other than providing light that would help in the effort, Darkwing casually flipped the switch, at the same time a loud and commanding laugh emitted from the room.

Standing on the balcony on the far side of the room was Jafar, the source of the laughter. On his shoulder was his parrot, Iago. Next to him was Maleficent, then the Sheriff of Nottingham, Captain Pete, and finally, Taurus Bulba. All of them were confidently leaning, daring one of them to make a move. Robin Hood, instinctively, notched three arrows in his bow, barely holding them with his hand, aiming at the Sheriff. Darkwing, for his part, leapt into the shadows.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't drop you Sheriff!" Robin exclaimed, shouting to the top of his lungs, making sure that he was heard.

The Sheriff laughed and gestured to his left and then to his right.

"Go ahead" The Sheriff replied, "There's five of us and one of you. Do the math for a second."

Iago cleared his throat, guessing that he had been singled out for some reason, for the Sheriff was not known for brains.

"Six" Iago corrected, "There's _six_ of us and one of him. Do the math Sheriff."

The Sheriff waved him off, for Iago was always trying to butt into things that were not his business.

"It doesn't matter" The Sheriff continued, now speaking to Robin, "You try anything and you're dead outlaw."

Darkwing, nervous at the prospect of dying, carefully stood in his place and waited, trying to determine if he should reveal himself or not. It made little difference however, for Taurus Bulba, who was closest to him, only laughed and pointed, catching Darkwing's cape just before it disappeared into the darkness behind the crate.

"So the famous Darkwing Duck chooses to hide instead of fight!" Taurus declared, "How like him, the coward!"

Robin glanced over at where Darkwing should have been and upon finding that he was not there, only stood his ground the more, his arrows keeping their place in his bow.

"Darkwing" Robin said, calling out, "Darkwing, I need you."

He was met with silence, which was equally met with howling laughter from the villains, Maleficent in particular, whose laugh was a high pitched cackle that resonated and echoed throughout the room.

"Oh how we will enjoy killing you!" Maleficent boasted, "Do not worry, we'll make sure it's a quick death!"

Pete, as if on cue, jumped down from the balcony and onto the floor, causing Robin to redirect his aim square into Pete's center.

"You move and you're dead Pete" Robin warned as his hand began to give out, "I'm giving you three seconds."

Pete shrugged and stepped forward. At that moment Robin let go. Just as the arrows would have pierced Pete, effectively killing him, Darkwing's motorcycle burst through the warehouse wall, knocking Pete out of the way and deflecting the arrows in various directions across the rooms, ricocheting and causing mass confusion. As the villains ducked for cover, their confidence temporarily shattered as Pete lay unconsciousness and three arrows shot around the room, Darkwing emerged from his hiding place and ran towards the motorcycle, placing Robin in the sidecar and then, as quickly as they had come they had disappeared into the night leaving nothing but the sound of the burnout as the rubber hit the concrete.


	2. Darkwing Tower

Chapter Two: Darkwing Tower

As Darkwing careened through the streets, trying his best to avoid the night traffic and get back to the bridge, Robin Hood was busy thinking. He could not help but let his mind turn to Marion and Little John, the only two people in the world that he cared enough about that he would stop time if such extreme measures needed to be taken.

"What I would not give to hold you close Marion" Robin said to himself, "What I would not give to hear you laugh John. To see you both would mean everything."

Darkwing, who could not help but overhear, mostly because Robin was a terrible whisperer, leaned to his left, in part to contribute to the conversation and in part to avoid a slow moving car.

"Who's Marion?" Darkwing asked, "She a friend of yours? And furthermore is she available?"

Robin rolled his eyes, annoyed that Darkwing was getting into personal details; as far as the fox was concerned, they were still in the small talk stage, and thus had no business discussing personal lives outside of their vigilantism.

"It's none of your concern" Robin answered, "And if you ever mention it again I'm putting an arrow in your head."

Darkwing cringed, the thought of a grisly death such as that was not something that he had in mind.

"Alright no need to get touchy" Darkwing continued, "Just a question that's all."

Robin huffed and shook his head in disbelief, slightly hating himself that he was actually considering continuing the conversation. He assumed that it was out of a deep desire to vent his feelings to someone other than himself, but the reality, like all things, was much more complicated than simple displays of feelings. It was, in actuality, the first time that anyone had shown any concern for him since Little John, on a psychological level it served as an outlet for venting without becoming overtly attached to anyone.

"We all have people we're fighting with" Robin declared, mostly talking to himself but allowing Darkwing to participate indirectly, "Some of them just aren't here anymore."

Darkwing, surprisingly, found himself able to relate, not in terms of just Gosalyn and Launchpad, his sidekick, but also in the literal sense of the statement, for he too had people that had left him. It was painful to think of their names and see the faces flash through his head, but assumed that was simply how it went.

"There's nothing to do but keep fighting" Darkwing replied, trying to be encouraging and failing, holding back his own tears as he thought about Gosalyn and Launchpad, the ever increasing possibility of them being alone in the event of his death, "Justice will see them through in the end."

After that not much was said between them, each lost in their own private worlds. By the time they had reached the Tower, the night had already passed and had entered early morning. It was well past whatever time Drake should have been home, still, Darkwing figured at the very least that he could be hospitable to his guest. Walking into the common room of Darkwing Tower, Darkwing casually led Robin Hood around, who immediately took notice of every vantage point that there was to be had in the entire complex. While he was counting the fox also noticed that the space as a whole was entirely much too spacious to serve as headquarters for one individual and that it could easily serve a better and more practical purpose for the headquarters of an organization.

"Have you considered leasing this place?" Robin asked as he strolled about, allowing himself to hear his own echo for the sake of it, "You could make some real use out of it if you wanted to."

Darkwing huffed and brushed off the idea, finding it as ludicrous as Launchpad's belief in Howard the Duck.

"Right" Darkwing exclaimed sarcastically, "The sooner I do that the sooner I lose everything that makes me The Masked Mallard. Darkwing Duck is many things- a clown, a deadbeat, and even a menace to society- but if it is one thing he is not it is a sellout."

Robin shrugged and shook it off, for it was obviously a touchy subject matter and he did not want to risk an uncomfortable conversation lest he come off as being a hypocrite. Making his way to the nearby couch, Robin aired himself with his hat and made himself comfortable to the best of his ability.

"Do you have a place to stay?" Darkwing said from around a corner along with the clamoring and shuffling of pots and pans intent on cooking.

"I have a place" Robin answered promptly, "It's on the East side near Meadowbrook Park, you heard of it? Beautiful, right across the way from the city center."

Darkwing nodded, for he heard of Meadowbrook Park, for Drake had taken Gosalyn there on many occasions. It was one of the few bonding experiences that they had that did not involve crime-fighting in any sort. It was easily one of the happiest memories the duck possessed and the pinnacle of his life up to this point. Robin, in turn, smiled and said nothing, guessing that the silence was Darkwing's answer. Stretching and yawning slightly, the fox rose and rolled his neck. He casually began counting arrows in his quiver, a grand total of forty-two, and then, for no particular reason, moved towards the nearest window.

"I thought you said you were here on business?" Darkwing pried, getting himself back on track and remembering the conversation from earlier.

"Yes" Robin answered, "But all of that took months. What you think I've been living in dumpsters this entire time?"

Darkwing laughed and shook it off, partially annoyed at his own ignorance, still, at the very least he now had a point to pin Robin Hood on, should he ever become a problem. It was doubtful, but it was always a good idea to be prepared for the absolute worst.

"So do you always work alone?" Robin continued as he stared out into the city, scanning the area even though he had already partially checked himself out for the night, paying particular attention to the skyline, taking note of the buildings and their average heights, "It must get lonely up here, all by yourself."

Darkwing smiled and nodded, remembering the days before Launchpad, and how every waking moment was spent patrolling the city and doing work that no one asked for or even necessarily needed.

"It's easy to do things alone" Darkwing admitted, "Less arguing, more doing. As far as the silence goes, you either get used to it or you go crazy because of it."

Robin turned, his eyebrows raised and face full of indifference, glaring at Darkwing with all the impatience in the world.

"I said it must get lonely up here" Robin reiterated, at the same time scolding him.

Darkwing smiled and walked nonchalantly to Robin, after which he leaned against the window frame and gazed vacantly out into the city.

"The first few years were hard" Darkwing exclaimed, casually looking to Robin to make sure that the fox was paying attention, "Started off small. A robbery here, carjacking there, easy stuff. Hated every goddamn minute of it. Half the time I was the one getting beaten up: it was the mask, thought I was one of the bad guys. Been arrested a few times- technicalities, misunderstandings."

Darkwing casually laughed as if he were talking to an old friend, for a moment he had forgotten that he was in recent company and instead thought that Launchpad was next to him; he did not forget himself entirely, for he knew that Robin was there, but his heart was somewhere else, at home, where he should have been in the first place. Still, Darkwing did not regret where he was or any of his actions of the night, for that would imply that he was something he was not.

"It's getting late Darkwing" Robin said, yawning loudly, "Best get home. D **r** op me off at the park, I'll walk from there."

Darkwing raised his eyebrows, slightly concerned, for he was under the impression that Robin was spending the night at the tower. Now he was going to have to make the extra trip to the park, easily a twenty minute journey, only to return to the Tower and ultimately go through the secret entrance to his house instead of cutting out everything entirely, taking the secret entrance and going to bed.

"You sure?" Darkwing exclaimed, half hoping that Robin would change his mind, "I really don't mind. I keep an extra bed."

Robin shook his head indifferently and rubbed him off, not because he was refusing the hospitality but rather as a result of was being overly polite.

"Perish the thought" Robin returned, slipping into his old tendencies, "I wouldn't dream of it. Besides its better this way, I have been known to have night terrors. Scream like banshee so I'm told."

Darkwing laughed and nodded, rolling his eyes slightly; it was beginning to sound like Robin would get along with Launchpad nicely, for he too was known to have the occasional night outburst. More than once it woke him up in his sleep, a few times it resulted in a visit to the local hospital. Still, despite it all, Darkwing wouldn't have traded it for anything.

"You know" Darkwing said, trying to ease his way into weaseling out of Robin's request, "It's sometimes okay to take advantage of people a little bit. Especially when they're offering things to you."

Robin sighed and shook his head knowingly, all too aware of his overly chivalrous nature.

"Forgive me" Robin apologized, "But from where I'm from hospitality isn't exactly put in much practice. I guess I'm just used to people pushing me away."

Darkwing gestured over to the spare bed and pointed to the kitchen and bathroom off to the left down a small hallway.

"You need anything" Darkwing said in parting, "There's a red button under the nightstand."

Robin did not get a chance to ask what the red button was for; for as soon as he opened his mouth Darkwing was gone, a small cloud of smoke dissipating where he stood moments before. Laughing to himself and honestly amazed that Darkwing had been so trusting of him, Robin Hood began whistling and moseyed around the room, ultimately making his way to Darkwing's computer at the top of the lair.

Sitting in the large computer chair that was always two sizes too big, Robin, after turning the computer on, was faced with a login screen. It didn't take him long to figure out the password; taking what he knew of Darkwing and coming with his own personal analysis in his head, Robin easily and correctly deduced that the password was his secret identity spelled backwards.

" _Only an idiot or a complete genius would have something as stupid as that"_ Robin thought to himself, _"Now, the only question is- who is Darkwing Duck?"_

Rolling the chair over to the other side of the large platform, in which was there was a series of bookcases, Robin scanned the volumes of crime novels, how-to books, collections of newspapers, old police records, a Yiddish dictionary, several maps, and a photo album, only to find among them all _The Complete and Total History of the Mallard Family_ by Cornelius Mallard, one of Darkwing's many ancestors, who besides writing the book, did nothing of particular interest. Flipping through the next few hundred pages, Robin being a notorious speed reader, he eventually came upon Drake Mallard, underneath of which was a moniker- Darkwing Duck. Taking this, ripping out the page and traveling back to the computer, Robin typed the name backwards into the computer and folded up the page. Pulling out a flash-drive and plugging it in, Robin scrolled through several more files until he came one called Contingency.

The Contingency file, which contained valuable information mostly pertaining to Robin Hood's activities, was full of various sub-files each under a different alias that the media had so graciously used; apart from these however, was a video. Opening and pushing play, Robin saw and heard himself talk about his own death, that being the only way that another living soul would ever see the video; as well as his confession of his vigilantism. Taking this video and placing on Darkwing's computer, Robin then did a full scan, searching for any security protocols and flaws, unsurprisingly finding nothing of the kind. Sighing and shaking his head, Robin rolled his eyes and pulled all the information relating to Darkwing that he could find. Most of it was rubbish and worthy of automatic deletion, but some of it, especially those mentioning Gosalyn, Launchpad, any of his numerous enemies, and Drake, he placed in a file and immediately began constructing dossiers around them all; this was accomplished due to an algorithm he placed for his own work at his own hideout. Once this was done, Robin then closed the flash-drive, removed it, and changed the password.

Standing up and remembering the torn page that was in his pocket, Robin pulled out a lighter and promptly burned it, throwing it in the garbage can, after which he made his way down from the platform, took off his clothes and fell into the bed, bare as the day he was born. Although the sweat and the heat from the warm summer air bothered him, it did not bother so much more than the thought of seeing the Sheriff of Nottingham, the man responsible for all of his misery and pain.

His dreams were nightmares: the sound of Marion and Little John, their necks breaking as gravity took its toll, allowing the rope to crush their larynxes, cutting off their air supply to the brain, killing them instantly. It was a sad and undeserved fate, a fate that Robin himself had been running from for years. He was many things- a thief, a vagabond, an outlaw- but all of that was under the rule of a tyrannical king; now, Robin was nothing, a shell of his former shelf, although he did not show it.

Outside on the bridge, the Fearsome Five- which consisted of Negaduck, Megavolt, the Liquidator, Bushroot, and Quackerjack, Darkwing's major enemies- gathered on the sidewalk enacting their latest plan. After months of scouting and scanning, eliminating all possible outcomes, Negaduck, the unofficial leader of the group and easily the most ruthless, had finally found the location of Darkwing Tower. In truth he was surprised he didn't find it sooner, for it was the most obvious place that anyone could think of for a secret hideout; then again, perhaps it was because he was too busy trying to take over the city to bother with simply following Darkwing home on occasion.

"So tell me-" Bushroot began, rather inquisitively, "Why are we here again?"

Negaduck growled and sneered in response, not giving a verbal answer, for he had told them numerous times their intention and was in no mood to repeat himself. Megavolt, who was much more forgiving, mostly because he was partially confused himself, divulged him, lowering his voice to prevent Negaduck from overhearing.

"Darkwing's hideout is at the top of the bridge. Blow up the bridge, blow up Darkwing."

Quackerjack, being mentally insane, jumped with the excitement of a jackrabbit, the thought of so much destruction at the hands of one of his finest toys, a large bomb that conveniently shot confetti as well as producing an explosion, making him giddy and incredibly irritable.

"Yes!" he declared victoriously, "As soon as the bomb explodes not only will the bridge be gone and Darkwing destroyed, but the whole city will be layered in hundreds of feet of my little party favors! Oh, it'll take them weeks, if not years to clean it up. Meanwhile, I can all the fun I want!"

Negaduck turned around sharply, having been looking up for the past few minutes, trying to find the best location to place the bomb.

"Will you shut up?" Negaduck screamed, refusing to have any more nonsense for the night, "Get up there and plant your damned bomb so we can get on with this thing! Northeast corner should send that tower down."

Quackerjack nodded and comically pulled out the bomb from his pocket; it was easily the size of a semi-truck, making it impossible for anyone but an insane lunatic to place in something as simple as a pocket. Bushroot meanwhile, raised his hand gently as if he were in the middle of a classroom.

"Want me to take care of it?" Bushroot said, "It really wouldn't be a problem. I could just grow up there and place it. It'll be easy."

Negaduck nodded, well aware of Bushroot's ability to grow indefinitely; however, that was not the point.

"Yes" Negaduck replied, doubling the sarcasm necessary, "But if you do it, it wouldn't really be a punishment would it? Now shut up and keep watch. Quackerjack will handle the bomb."

The Liquidator, who was getting impatient, without being told what to do, took his position in the river and proceeded to build a massive wave, ultimately holding it just before the bridge. Negaduck, satisfied with the Liquidator's initiative, as well as the fact that they had a fail-safe in the event that the bomb failed, chuckled to himself and slapped Megavolt's back, if only because he was the only available person to both physically abuse and who would appreciate his genius.

"Watch it!" Megavolt said as he regained his balance, electricity surging through his hands, "I didn't come all this way just to be pushed around you know. I want to see some action!"

Negaduck groaned and rolled his eyes, annoyed, Megavolt's nasally voice and constant complaining getting on his nerves. Looking around and trying to find something for him to do, Negaduck thought more than once about simply shooting him, thereby ending his problems. Megavolt however, still had his uses, and thus wasn't worth killing.

"Alright Sparky" Negaduck exclaimed, using an old pet name that he knew Megavolt despised, "Take out all the lights in the bridge. We want this to light up the night sky like a damn firework!"

Megavolt huffed and folded his arms, insulted that his only contribution was going to be spectacle; still, he could see the merit in it, if only for the ultimate satisfaction of relishing in his old enemy's final defeat and so, griping and grumbling to himself, complied with Negaduck's demeaning request.

As soon as the lights went out, seemingly all at once, Quackerjack had returned, the trigger in hand. Negaduck then motioned to the side of the bridge, whereby the Liquidator had picked them up and set them down in a nearby boat only to return to his duty, holding the wave at bay.

"Alright ladies" Negaduck declared, mustering as much authority as possible, "Tonight is the night that St. Canard says goodbye to that goody-two-shoes Darkwing Duck. Anyone wish to say any final words of endearment?"

He was met with silence. Glancing over them he could see excitement and nervousness in them all: Quackerjack's eyes were bloodshot and bulging with anticipation, on his shoulder was his puppet, Mr. Banana-brain, who said nothing; Bushroot, for his part, could only think about how many friends he would make once Darkwing was finally out of the picture, joyfully counting in his head all the things he would do; Megavolt on the other hand, hung his head in silent contemplation.

"What's the matter dim-wit?" Negaduck said, in his usual fashion, "Something on your mind?"

Megavolt looked up, his eyes tired and afraid; as if the desire to see Darkwing destroyed had suddenly dissipated. This was not the case, for he did indeed wish to see Darkwing dead, but not at the cost of innocent people. Why he had suddenly grown a conscious was beyond him, if he had to guess he would say that it was because it was difficult for a population to fear you if the population was dead. As far as he was concerned there was no real reason to blow up the bridge other than for the spectacle of blowing up a bridge, thus a meaningless waste of life.

"I am many things" Megavolt declared, "But I'm not a killer."

Negaduck only laughed in his face and shook him off, for they had come too far to simply back out of it now; there was only one direction left to take. Grabbing the trigger and placing his thumb over the button, Negaduck sighed and took a breath, relishing in the moment.

"Soon it will all be mine" Negaduck said to himself, "St. Canard will bend its knee. Who knows, I might even run for President."

Quackerjack slowly came out of his lunatic trance and laughed, for Negaduck was not a good whisperer and the thought of him becoming President amused him.

"That's a good one!" Quackerjack replied, laughing his ass off, "The day you become President is the day I become the Supreme Justice of the Peace."

Negaduck sneered and raised his hand, threatening to give Quackerjack a decent backhand, only for him to retreat and return to the matter at hand.

"If we're going to do this let's do it" Quackerjack continued, "Push the trigger. Push the trigger and let the playtime begin!"

Negaduck chuckled, amused by Quackerjack's enthusiasm. Tossing the trigger back to Quackerjack and nodding, Negaduck turned towards the bridge and waited.

The resulting explosion and the subsequent collapse of Darkwing Tower caused most of the people on the bridge to flee in mass hysteria; alas, some to no avail, the falling debris killing hundreds and causing a gigantic hole in the bridge; the structure itself still remaining. It was then that the Liquidator finished the job, releasing the tidal wave resulting in complete collapse.

"Search the river" Negaduck ordered, berating to his colleagues, "I won't be satisfied until I see a body. Find Darkwing Duck!"

While The Liquidator, Bushroot, and Quackerjack were searching the river, wading through the shallow banks where any bodies would most likely wash up, Megavolt, who had opted out of the search in order to avoid shorting himself out, sat down in the nearest chair he could find and breathed. No sooner did he let out a single breath of air did he feel a hand cover his mouth, the body concealed in the shadows.

"I'm going to remove my hand" the disembodied voice began, "When I do you are going to stand and push that loudmouth into the river. Nod if you understand."

Megavolt nodded and the hand disappeared. Standing up, Megavolt sharply turned around and blasted a charge of electricity directly behind him, revealing Robin Hood, draped in little more than the spare sheets, his loaded bow in his hand, quiver on his back, standing above him on top of the captain's cabin.

"Nice try" Robin declared as he jumped down onto the deck, inadvertently causing Megavolt to turn away in disgust, "But you won't get away that easily. Not with that stunt you just pulled."

Megavolt cringed and gagged, refusing to believe what he had just seen and slightly overreacting.

"Seriously?" he returned, "Who sleeps like that! What the hell is wrong with you?"

Robin smirked and rolled his eyes, firing his arrow directly into Megavolt's leg; after which he proceeded to do the same to Quackerjack, Bushroot and Negaduck, using the distraction to his advantage in order to line up his shots.

"The first rule in this line of work Mr. Sputterspark is to know thine enemy and their weaknesses."

Megavolt, at the sound of his actual name, jeered and pointed an accusatory finger, at the same time charging himself up.

"You don't know anything about me!" Megavolt defended, "You're nothing fox, nothing but a crazy madman with a bow and arrow."

Robin huffed and fired yet another arrow, this one into Negaduck's left shoulder.

"Don't just stand there!" Negaduck said, withering in pain as he fell to the ground, slowly pulling out the arrow in his leg, "Get him!"

Robin laughed to himself and notched three arrows at once, freezing everyone on the boat, including the Liquidator, who remained untouched.

"I know that you were once Elmo Sputterspark" Robin continued as he stepped forward, forcing Megavolt back, "A child prodigy. But something went wrong didn't it? An accident. Like all good men who walk the line between genius and insanity and are pushed too far you went over the edge. You became obsessed."

Megavolt began shaking, nervousness and fear overtook him, he began stammering, and as he stammered he began to lose focus, unaware that he was charging and directly behind the Liquidator. Robin, smiling to himself at the tactical advantage he had achieved, fired two of his arrows, one into Bushroot and another into Quackerjack for good measure. The third arrow he saved, slowly and discreetly tying a line at its end.

"It slowly drove you mad" Robin said, his voice getting more demanding, hurting Megavolt on a psychological level, "You are not the man you once were. Now you are something else. Now you are Megavolt. Now, you're the fifth wheel; the spare tire. Useless, even to yourself. Look at them, they blew the bridge. It's their names that will be in tomorrow's paper. Where will you be? Sitting on the sidelines while they take all the glory."

Megavolt was slowly getting angry, for he was tiring of Robin telling him who he was, especially considering he knew nothing about him. He wanted to destroy Robin in that very instant, and had not been for the arrow in his leg, a fact he was just now aware of, he probably would have. Instead, the rat simply forced himself onto the ground, resigning to his pain only to receive significantly more, accidentally running into the Liquidator's leg hurting them both. Negaduck, who recovered relatively fast from his wounds, jeered and slowly brought himself to his feet at this, for now it had become personal.

"Hey!" Negaduck exclaimed, "Just who in the hell do you think you are? You think you can stomp all over us and we won't do something about it?"

Robin laughed and took a step backwards, casually looking up, searching for a decent vantage point in order to make his escape. Upon finding one, the closest available building being a clothing store near the river bank, Robin- calculating the shot in his head and judging it to be a long one- given the low lighting, the distance, and the current company, had no choice but abandon the plan. Resigning himself to the fact that he was going to have to swim, again, the fox slyly made his way over to the edge of the boat, shouldering his bow.

"I'm counting on it" Robin answered as he leaned back, this time making Quackerjack uncomfortably, whereby the fox immediately countered with a laugh and a quick whim.

"What the hell did you expect?" he said, "You blew up everything else. Just be glad this sheet survived."

Negaduck limped forward, undeterred by Robin's appearance; for he was too enraged about the arrow in his leg and the sting in his ego, to care about such things. He demanded answers.

"Answer my question num-nut" Negaduck declared, "Who are you?"

Robin gave a slight bow in response and readied himself for a dismount. Lifting his head slightly he answered the question.

"I'm the Hood."

Back-flipping into the water if only for the show of it and unintentionally abandoning the sheet, Robin Hood swam into the St. Canard River, assured that he would not be followed; for his arrows and the combined suffering of Megavolt and the Liquidator would be more than enough to allow for a quick and undeterred escape. Coming back onto dry land twenty seconds later, soaking wet Robin ducked behind the nearest alleyway in order to protect himself and finding a nearby rag for which to cover his hand, punched through the glass of the clothing store. As the silent alarm was triggered, Robin smiled to himself; for although he was partially ashamed that he had to commit a burglary, it was a small price to pay given the circumstances at hand. If anything he rationalized that it would lead the authorities closer to the Fearsome Five, and thus justice for the bridge explosion. After clothing himself, he began to plan his next few steps. It was obvious that Darkwing Tower was permanently out of commission, at least until it could be prepared, if such a thing were possible. The only other option he could find was to find Darkwing's house and inform him of the destruction that had been wrought.

"Damn this day" Robin said, cursing himself, "First Darkwing, then the Sheriff, now-"

It was then that Robin allowed himself to cry. As he buried his head into the sleeve of the purloined white collar shirt, he thought about all the lives that had been lost in the span of a few minutes. It pained him, to think that he could have done something to stop it from happening in the first place: if only he had been faster, stronger, more vigilant, then perhaps the bridge would not have been destroyed. Of course, Robin knew that he could not entirely blame himself, but he did it all the same, if only because it hardened his resolve to stop those responsible.

The sound of police sirens brought him out of his silent misery and caused him to move. Taking up his bow and running down the nearest street, Robin, thinking of no other option, made his way to Meadowbrook Park where he knew there was always an open park bench to lay upon. Tomorrow, he figured, he would find Darkwing. Tomorrow, he would begin his revenge quest in earnest; but for today, at least what remained of it, he would sleep.


End file.
